You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
