just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
ugly people sure do ruin things
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
