im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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