you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
