i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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