Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
