Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
