I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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