He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You are a genius and a whore.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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