those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
