Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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