i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
