dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
