This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
