Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
