What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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