is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
