I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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