I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
