It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
What a dumb baby whore.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
