I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I think im going to throw up on grandma
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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