Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
