sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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