The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
