Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
