she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
