hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
