In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
