He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
