i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
