I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He passed out mid-signature
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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