This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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