I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
