Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
she peed on how many people?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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