his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
