I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
