My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
