Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
he puts the penis in happiness.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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