Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
