Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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