i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.