i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
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I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just blew my weed a kiss
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
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No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.