All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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