In the future we'll all be gay
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
