well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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