god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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