You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
