can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
