Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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