i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
