I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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