I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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