She announced her abortion via fbk
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
