It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize