would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
