Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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