i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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