he thought i was a dude.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
