I wannas sexs uuuuu
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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