As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
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What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
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I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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