He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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