Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
