I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Randomize
