Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
