if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
