The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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