My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
As shirtless as possible
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
