New invention idea: vibrating tampons
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
