Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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