Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.