Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
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Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
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The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.