38 yer olds are good kisserssss
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.