It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
