Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
