i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
