Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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