so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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