I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
