last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
