direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
