I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
