Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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